And for some reason, the weight of this fact just hit me. Or has been hitting me. Repeatedly over the last week.
Sure, I knew we were going to have two kids when I found out we were pregnant back in January. Because that's what happens when you add one kid plus a positive pregnancy test... 2 kids. But it was still so abstract then. And September seemed so very, very far away. Not anymore.
I normally look forward to fall every year. Summer isn't my favorite. Yep, I said it. I don't like the chaos and the non-scheduled fun. "Fly by the seat of your pants" I am not. I like cooler temps, predictable patterns and holiday traditions. This year? Fall scares me in a BIG way. There will be absolutely no predictable patterns and some holiday traditions might have to be put on hold. Change is a coming my friends. And I don't deal well with change.
I'm hoping that this second child is easier because I've been there, done that. But then I realize that this baby is not Luke and the mother I was 2 years ago is not the mother I am now. (Which is really a good thing.) Things have already changed. So while the logistics of swaddling a screaming infant in 2.5 seconds is second nature, there is no guarantee this baby will like to be swaddled in the first place. All my tips and tricks and checklists work... for newborn Luke. Not newborn Emilee.
Not to mention the whole post-partum emotional mess I'm going to be dealing with. Feelings feel extra heavy and weighty after having a baby. At least for me. And I'm praying that because I have "been there, done that" when the heavy feelings do come, I will be able to realize that they don't last forever.
I pretty much almost lost my mind after having Luke so I'm taking all kinds of precautions this time around... including a few "crunchy" methods like this one. (Never say never friends.) I've also started to remind myself on an almost daily basis that this time in our family's life is going to be brutal and yet so beautiful.
"Grace abounds in deepest waters." For me, the newborn stage is deep water. Having been through it once, I know that God is going to pull me and stretch me beyond what I think I'm capable of. Yet, I won't break - because he knows what I can and can't handle. And I will come out the other side a different, better individual.
All the aforementioned swirling around my head this week and I stumbled upon not 1, but 2 blog posts about the transition from one child to two. And while they are both wildly different, they both resonated with me.
Megan from Absolute Mommy did a guest post here about the 1 to 2 transition.
"When you bring home your new baby, your first child will look like a 17 year old." Megan
I can only imagine the giant that Luke will look like once E gets here. I compared their diapers last week and couldn't believe it. I might as well be buying Luke some Depends.
And on a more serious note, Sarah Scott wrote a beautiful article on Mothering.com titled, "Transitional mom: becoming a mother of two" which you can read here.
"I have made someone a sister. Someone a brother. Two people will share a childhood - and maybe a few expensive therapy bills - because of me. I have given two people a gift that no one else could: each other." Sarah
Holy cow. Cue the pregnancy tears. Heck, If you have even an ounce of a heart, this article should cue tears.
So am I ready for this transition? Yes and no. I don't think you are ever fully ready to add another person to your family. But I do know that once they are there, life will never be the same and yet you wouldn't have it any other way.